Mitch Cronin Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Here's a joke I might have told here before, but tough. It's funny!Jesus, Moses, and an old man were playing golf...They were all tied at the seventh hole, which was on an island, so they had to drive their ball over water.Moses shot first... his drive was short and was about to plop into the water... but the water parted at the last minute,the ball hit the bottom hard and bounced up onto the green and fell in the hole!Jesus took the next turn.... He whacked the ball, but it went too high and was bound to drop into the water...but instead, the ball just bounced off the water, up onto the green, and into the hole! The old man teed up his ball... wiggled his hips a little... looked over the grounds a bit... did some more wiggling... and Walloped the thing!Alas, it too was going to be short of the mark... but just before it was to splash into the water, a fish jumped out and grabbed the ball...Now, just before the fish with the ball in it's mouth would've hit the water, an Eagle swoops down, grabbing the fish in it's talons... As the Eagle flies off with the fish, the fish spits out the ball, and the ball falls straight into the cup!!... Jesus looks at the old man and say's, "C'mon Dad, quit messin' around and play golf! Cheers folks, I hope you all have a great Christmas! Mitch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GDR Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Merry Christmas to you and yours Mitch.Greg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.O. Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Mitch started it! My turn.One day a recently married man decided to go to a pet store to get a Christmas gift for his new bride. He knew that she loved animals, birds in particular, and decided this would be the perfect gift for her.On arriving at the pet store, he asked the manager if he had anything special in the way of birds. The manager said, "Why yes I do! It's a parrot named Chet and he can sing".The man was interested and asked to see Chet. The manager took him over to a beautiful parrot sitting on a perch in the corner and said, "This is Chet". The man asked, "All birds can sing. What's so special about Chet?" The manager replied, "Chet doesn't just sing, he sings actual songs. And even better, he can sing Christmas carols!""Really", said the man? "Can you show me?"The manager took out a cigarette lighter and lit it a few inches underneath Chet's right leg. Chet began to sing, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way..."The man said, "Wow, that's great! Does Chet sing anything else?"The manager then held his lighter under Chet's left leg, and Chet began to sing, "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know..." The man was very impressed, sure that his new bride would absolutely love this bird, so he bought the bird and took it home.The next morning, his wife saw the bird cage sitting beside the tree, covered with a blanket. Her husband said, "Go ahead honey. Open your present!" She lifted the blanket and said, "Oh honey! He's beautiful! This is the best present ever!"The husband said, "Wait 'til I show you what he can do! He sings Christmas carols!" He took Chet out of the cage and set him on his perch. He took out a cigarette lighter and lit it beneath Chet's right leg. Chet began to sing, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way..."The wife was thrilled and asked, "Can he sing anything else?" The husband then held the lighter under Chet's left leg and Chet began to sing, "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know..."The wife was overwhelmed and asked, "What would happen if you put the lighter between his legs?"The husband said, "I don't know. The man at the pet store didn't mention that. Guess it's worth a try." He held the lighter between Chet's legs. The bird grimaced and sucked in his gut, but then he began to sing, "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...." Merry Christmas everyone!Jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moon The Loon Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Ho Ho Ho To All! Hopefully Santa has his Mode S engaged for the ever increasingly busy skies! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gumbi Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Joyeux Noël everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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