Yikes!

[AAS]

Application to Date My Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, school history, job history, ancestral lineage, DMV printout, and a current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________

HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA______________

SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?

_________________________________________________

If NO, please explain

_________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married

_________________________________________________

If less than your age, explain

_________________________________________________

Do you own a van? ___________ A truck with oversized tires?__________

A waterbed?___________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?__________

A condom?_______________ Pornography?_______________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? ___________

A tattoo?_____________

(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE

PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________

_______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?_________________

_______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

Church you attend _____________________________________________________

How often you attend __________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________ priest? _______________

mother? _____________ parole officer? _______

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are

confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

_____________________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

_____________________________________________________________________

E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:

_____________________________________________________________________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises

keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

What do you want to do IF you grow up?

_______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room?

_____________________

Condoms come in packages of (circle one)

A: 3

B: 6

C: 9

D: 12

E: ALL OF THE ABOVE

How do you know?_______________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE

BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE

AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,

RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_______________________________________

Signature (that means sign your name, moron)

[Guest]

Robert,

Sorry to disturb the thread.. Just curious if you got my reply to your pm with my e address?..

cheers

Dragon,

yes i did, i will send you an e-mail

[Pager]

Mitch - Chill.

Saturday I walked Daughter #1 down the aisle. Brought a lump to my throat, a tear to my eye and a chest so swelled with pride . The beautiful woman on My arm was my baby. I actually like my new son-in-law (cause we taught her to choose so well ) -- but if he harms my little girl I will kill him slowly and I WILL ENJOY IT! If I am dead I will Haunt the Pr*&k forever and I WILL enjoy that too.

Daughter #2 was Maid of Honour. Drove her back to University late Sunday to write her last exam on Monday. Talked to #2 this evening and the "boyfriend" is there for the next 3 days. Too far away to keep tabs on em. Got to trust them.

I will kill that one too if ... and He knows it ... life would have been so much easier if my offspring had outside plumbing ... takes practice to relate to girls ... don't think it can be done ... your last word is by default the start of the next argument ... the logic isn't ... but you got to love, guide and trust them ...

[Guest]

As the saying goes, with a son all you have is one pecker to worry about, with a daughter, you have every pecker to worry about

[W5]

I must have received God's punishment: THREE daughters. Actually they are all great and it all worked out. The youngest is 23, finished university last year and is getting married next year. The oldest is living in Europe with her hubby and my two grandchildren; who I don't get to see often enough.

So Mitch, as long as you keep yourself at that stage in mind (eeekk..) it'll work out.

[newgirl]

I've followed this post for a few days now and finally must break my silence.

I have only one child, a son 19 yrs. old My fear was always that I would answer the doorbell and find an irate parent standing there saying "Your son has made my daughter pregnant!" It hasn't happened yet! Thank God.

My conundrum is that he asked to have a New Years party here with 30 people and do I say yes? I asked who these people are and most are kids he's gone to school with from kindergarten. Really good kids but......

Now think back to when you were 19 and going to a NY party?

After having too much too drink, did you always manage to puke into the toilet or miss by a few feet? Did you always use ashtrays , beer bottles or just didn't care where your ciggy ended up? When you became amorous , did you care whose bed you used?

My husband and I always go to a friends house for NY but are usually home by 0200 so my son offered to pay for a night a hotel for us!!!!!! Hair on my neck standing up by now!

They are all responsible kids,going to University etc but I'm hesitant to say yes. I want to treat them like adults but....

Any advice ?

[Kip Powick]

I’m sure you are going to get a heap of advice and the advice is going to be both pro and con so here is my two bits based on running 3 kids through the same scenario.

Naturally you want your child to feel that you have confidence in their ability to control any situation that happens at your house but based on his age that would be a mighty big task especially if there is booze involved. The other aspect is the liability of you or your son should someone over imbibe and have an accident and………. on and on.

I would suggest that he and his friends look for a function downtown that they can join. Sure it might cost each one $20-40.00 per person but at least you have peace of mind. Should that not be possible suggest that one of his “other” friends throw the party because your comfort meter is not pegged at "sounds OK with us".

Should you say “no”, I really don’t think he is going to hold it against you if you sit down and have a real serious talk to him about why you don’t feel it is a good idea and slant your discussion to the fact that you feel there is no doubt that you can trust him but that you don’t feel comfortable having that many people in the house, that you don’t know that well, using your residence for "party central".

PS...Over the years there was only one attempt at the same thing here, (my oldest son), and we said "no"....the kids went to function at the Lion's, took cabs and had a good time. The next two kids knew enough not to ask.

As stated, just my opinion.

And good luck

Happy New Year

kip

[JZZdxer]

Mith, As a father of 2 boy's, I have had both of them read this so they understand what is going thru the mind of their girlfriends fathers'

Mark

Rules For Dating My Daughter

RULE 1

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

RULE 2

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anythiing below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

RULE 3

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You MAY come to the door with your underware showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off furing the course of your date with my duaghter, I will take my nail gun and fasten your pants securely in place to your waist.

RULE 4

I am sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier Method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

RULE 5

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports,politics and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of what time you will have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on the subject is "early"

RULE 6

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finnished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

RULE 7

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

RULE 8

The folowing places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds,sofas,or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midfriif T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parker--zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which featur chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

RULE 9

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,middle aged,dimwitted has-been; but on matters relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

RULE 10

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to misake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear vice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[ccairspace]

Any advice ?

The only fear I ever had with "house parties" was the arrival of the uninvited. This story I heard some time after the event when one of my son's friends let it slip...

Our boys had a small party when they were home alone and were about 18 and 16 years of age. Our youngest son noticed a stranger in the house. He had arrived with a couple of friends and when he was asked to leave, the beligerent response was, "Make me, "Naughty Word"hole." Well, at the time our son was about 6'5", 220 lbs and an athlete, so he did just that, by picking the stranger up and bodily throwing him out of the house. The uninvited's friends followed and the party was disbanded.

There was no damage to the house but I shudder when I think about what has happened to others' homes in similar circumstances. The boys learned a good lesson and the only parties held there subsequently included adults as well as teenagers.

On this subject I agree with Kip.

ccairspace

[cp fa]

On this subject I agree with Kip.

Me too.

I wouldn't hand my house over to 30 intoxicated 19 year olds.

My kids are welcome to bring their friends here whenever they want. We'll spring for a keg for the beer fridge, feed them some pretty great meals, take them boating, and chauffeur them into town and back if they want to drink with the locals. But not when we're not here.

Kip's right - I would be very concerned about liability. Your son may be the most responsible 19 year old on the face of the earth when he's sober, but I don't think you can predict how he, or the other 29 kids are going to behave when they've been drinking all night, and the fact that he is willing to pay for you to stay somewhere else tells me that he knows that too.

If it was me, I'd tell him to find a party at a bar to go to, offer to pay cab fare, maybe even have some of his friends crash at your house afterwards. But not in your room, cause you'll be coming home too.

[Super 80]

If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

I knew that goon couldn't have come up with that line all on his own.

[Pager]

I agree with Kip. Not my Kids that I don't trust ... Beware the Party Crasher and the alcohol enriched "friend" that they really don't know. Sometimes your Kid just needs to be able to blame the NO on someone else to save face.

First and foremost ... talk, talk and talk ...

cpfa ... you bet! Have done just that, had a house full of "friends" many times, provided food and beds and held heads too!! Far easier to control what you know about.

Would I give them my house for a Hotel room? ... NOT A CHANCE

[newgirl]

Thanks everyone.

We have decided to say no even though we do have a lock on our bedroom door! I wasn't worried as my son's generation hasn't figured out how to pick a simple lock IE use a bobby pin or needle to open the door! On the other hand , I can't figure out our computer some days.

It does bring to mind a party I attended the summer of '68. An older friend (16) was having a sleeping party while her parents were out of town. The boyfriends came and we were having a great time until the "bad boy and his friends showed up" . Luckily there were enough boyfriends to evict him with minor damage.

Next morning we all got up and cleaned the house spotless. My friend was only found out because the "bad boy" had done burnouts up and down the drive-way as he left so her parents knew something a party had happened. She was grounded for a month.

Life was alot simpler then and so I hate to deny my son of a fun night at my house but I will.