Mitch Cronin Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 ....That I want to share anything I get emailed... but once in a while... this one had my ribs hurting! Church Ladies With Typewriters They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children. --------------------------The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.' -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.--------------------------Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.--------------------------Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. --------------------------Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. --------------------------The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Excellent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moon The Loon Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Blasphemer ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kip Powick Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 A guy goes into a bar in Toronto where there's a robot bartender! The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Canadian Club." The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says," 168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.The guy leaves, . . . but he is curious . . . so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Baileys on ice" Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Molsons, the Leafs and the Blue Jays.The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Canadian Club” and the robot brings him his drink. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Well I think it is about…Uh, about 50."The robot leans in real close and says, "Sooo, … you must be a fan of AEF? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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