Talk about having a bad day......

[Guest M. McRae]

Say What? Man with Ear Ache Gets Vasectomy

Thu August 21, 2003 08:32 AM ET

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) - A Brazilian man who went to a clinic to have an aching ear checked ended up having a vasectomy after mistakenly believing that the doctor had called his name.

A manager at the Doctor Jose Carlos de Espirito Santo clinic in the town of Montes Claros in southeastern Minas Gerais State told Reuters on Wednesday Valdemar Lopes de Moraes, 39, entered the vasectomy room when Aldemar Aparecido Rodrigues' name was called.

"He was called by the full name and yet thought it was him. But the strangest thing is that he asked no questions when the doctor started preparations in the area which had so little to do with his ear," Vanessa Guimaraes said.

"He later explained that he thought it was an ear inflammation that got down to his testicles," she added.

De Moraes, a farmer who has two children, did not want to reverse the operation, performed last week, and showed up for an ear exam on Wednesday at the same clinic.

"A local newspaper said he is going to sue us, but he did not tell us about any claims," Guimaraes said.

[Guest JakeYYZ]

I was howling for days. When Vas the Impaler tugged on that tube, man it felt like my eyeball was going to disappear.

Oh, and apparently I didn't "shave" in the right spot so he brushed up my handiwork.

There you are, naked, shaved, legs spread with your boys so scared they're hitched up to the hitchin' post tighter than a paymasters butt on payday.

Vulnerable? Vulnerable?

Carpdamn!

Then I-was-a-Butcher-In-My-last-job breezes in and starts dry shaving your nuts with a cheapo disposable.

Where's the voluptuous nurse with the soft soapy suds and the delicate touch?

Hospital cutbacks! A curse on you Mike Harris. May your gonads shrivel like raisins, as mine did that awful day.

Whoops....

Let me tell you guys. You do not want to be lying naked, legs spread and nuts shaved watching a guy with a very sharp implement say: "whoops"

This is not a good thing.

I still awake screaming in the night, bathed in sweat, shaking, crying like a baby.

"whoops!"

He said "Whoops."

Did I mention the cauterizing device?

It seem that it was a leftover from the dark ages.

Before there was electricity, they must have had cauterization.

"Oh, looks like we'll have to give you a little more freezing," says Doc Chainsaw. "Some people are more sensitive to the electricity."

Yeah, I says, as I climb down from the ceiling, no mean trick because it's, like, 19 feet high.

I'm a sensitive guy alright.

What was your first clue, doc?

The legs twitching every time you poked me with the freakin' device?

The involuntary screams?

Surely not the smell of burned flesh?

Oh, here comes the stitches.

Luckily by now they've pumped another liter of local into my nether regions so that now my a**hole is completely frozen.

Still, the stitches tug and my nuts move up just a little closer to my bellybutton, on their way to my lower rib cage where they know, they just know, they're going to be safe.

Smart boys. Smart.

Then there's the recovery.

First you expend a roll of toilet paper wiping down the lubricant, antiseptic and other crap.

Again, I ask. Where is my nurse? My personal nurse. The one in all those movies?

And then the drive home. Two hours later I'm the chair and a bag of frozen peas is my new best friend.

And so it remains for the weekend.

At work, a sudden shift in direction… the hallway produces great agony.

Getting up and down makes me wince.

Sex?

Fagetaba'tit.

Two years later and the boys have descended.

It took a lot of therapy. A lot.

But they understand. Now.

It was a good decision. It was the, err, execution which lacked finesse.

To men out there, everywhere.

Choose your surgeon carefully.

Ask for references. Call them. Guys understand. There's no shame in being careful.

I mean, it's your BOYS.

Know What I mean?

Arf. howwwwwwwwwl. Wimper.

[Mitch Cronin]

There are two kinds of stories that come from people that have had that particular bit of surgical wizardry enacted upon them: The "there's nothing to it!" stories, and the HORROR stories...

I've been delaying the decision to have it done for too long... I figure if I delay it long enough, eventually nature will take it's course with my wife and I'll not need to. But with my luck I'll probably be among those that get to tell the HORROR stories and have it done the week before she experiences the first signs of menopause.

[Cargo Agent]

Seems you had a bad experience.

Are you sure you really wanted to go through with that operation? I think your mind is playing tricks on you, or maybe your wife slipped the doc a $20 to liven up the proceedings. Did she have a little smile on her face afterwards?

[Guest CabinDweller]