Kip Powick Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy. a.. Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes - cause I now get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. b.. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic. c.. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are Atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. d.. I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. e.. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. f.. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. g.. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. h.. I no longer receive packages from - nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. i.. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. j.. I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. k.. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. l.. I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. m.. I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. n.. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. o.. I no longer have any cash in my savings account because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). p.. I no longer have much money at all in fact - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and Shaw are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program. Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour! If you don't copy and paste this note into an e-mail and send it to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 9:00 PM (EST) one evening this month. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. DO IT NOW OR ELSE. And have a nice day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deicer Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Sure... But we know for certainty that you would still allow yourself to be seduced by a teacher thats 14 years your senior Iceman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.O. Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 I agree, but try to look on the bright side Kip. At least you know some strategies to diagnose a possible stroke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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