Instant Expertise: A Universal Need?

[A330PilotCanada]

Good Morning All:

Not sure if this belongs on this side of the AEF but I will be happy for the MOD's to decide.

A very dear friend (Retired Colonel CAF/RCAF Navigator North Star 3000 hours Korean War Veteran) past away last September.

While at NDHQ in Ottawa this document which he gave me was making the rounds at NDHQ.

 

Instant Expertise: A Universal Need?

Circulating in the Defence Department in Ottawa is a new TIC (Tongue in Cheek) aid for preparing speeches and briefings etc. The new invention, known as a buzz phrase generator, gives its prime practitioners what amounts to instant expertise on matters pertaining to defence.

The buzz phrase generator consists of three columns of buzzwords numbered 0 to 9.

COLUMN 1		COLUMN 2		COLUMN 3
0	Integrated	0	Management	0	Options
1	Total	1	Organizational	1	Flexibility
2	Systematized	2	Monitored	2	Capability
3	Parallel	3	Reciprocal	3	Mobility
4	Functional	4	Digital	4	Programming
5	Responsive	5	Logistical	5	Concept
6	Optimal	6	Transitional	6	Time-phrase
7	Synchronized	7	Incremental	7	Projection
8	Compatible	8	Third-generation	8	Hardware
9	Balanced	9	Policy	9	Contingency

 

The procedure is simple.  Think of any three-digit number at random.  Then select the corresponding buzzword from each column.  Put them together and WHAM! POW! ZAP!  You sound just like you know what you’re talking about. 

Take for instance the number 257.  Take Word#2 from Column 1, Word #5 from Column 2 and Word #7 from Column 3.  You now have “systemized logistical projection”.  You don’t know what it means but don’t worry, neither do they.

Would you prefer “balanced incremental flexibility”?  Possibly “parallel reciprocal options” or maybe “integrated transitional contingency?  How about “functional third-generation hardware” and “optimal management mobility”?  Now that ought to do the trick.

The important thing is that the buzz phrase generator provides the user with the perfect aid for preparing anything on the subject of national defence.  Automatically you have one thousand different combinations, all of which will give you the proper ring of decisive, progressive, knowledgeable authority.

The applications of the buzz phrase generator are literally limitless.  Take it home with you and roll off a little “responsive monitored time-phrase” or “compatible organizational capability” into the conversation with the wife and kids.  It will not only drive them to distraction but for the first time you’ll enjoy equal standing in the discussion.

At any rate, once you’ve mastered the art of the ringing declaration and become a connoisseur of convoluted phraseology no one will ever take exception to your rationale.

With thus broadened etymological horizons, your programs are assured.  No one will have the remotest idea of what you’re talking about and they’re not about to admit it.