Chuckles (Old Pilot)

[Kip Powick]

FARGO, ND (The Global Edition)–When an electrical fire disabled Colonel Doyle VanWatermulen’s Predator drone, the 65-year old veteran pilot exclaimed “Mayday! Mayday! We’re going down! We’re going down!” while sitting at his cubicle, sources close to his office confirmed.

Witnesses stated VanWatermulen began violently pulling and pushing the various ergonomic levers under his seat in an apparent attempt to “eject” himself. Unable to trigger an ejection, the pilot called out ”Jammed! I’m outta here!” and rolled from his chair.

“Oh, right,” he said after hitting the concrete floor at the North Dakota Air National Guard Station in Fargo, ND. His then un-piloted drone, armed with two Hellfire missiles, reportedly crashed into an Afghanistan hillside some 6,741 miles away.

Meanwhile Air Force officials have been at a loss to explain the pilot’s bizarre behavior. However, one drone crew member, who wished to remain anonymous, said there were some early warning signs, “We should have suspected a problem when he [VanWatermulen] showed up for the mission in a lambskin leather bomber jacket and helmet.”

The Air Force later issued a statement admitting that VanWatermulen was part of a new program dubbed “Balding Eagle,” utilizing seasoned military airmen to fill the government’s growing need for drone pilots.

The program has come under intense scrutiny following the incident. Concern has mounted that similar events might occur with other aging pilots.

Defenders of the program argue this isolated case must not be used to bar all older pilots from flying unmanned drones. In an article appearing in next month’s AARP Magazine titled “The Baby Boom Bombers,” author Christine Timmel argues that “With key accommodations such as post-it note reminders and fun brain teasers, aging pilots can continue leading successful Predator drone attacks.”

VanWatermulen is currently being treated for a broken right hip. No word yet from the Air Force as to when VanWatermulen will return to work.

By TGE correspondent Jess McLain

This man will undoubtedly receive the Distinguished Flying Cross, if not the MOH, and a couple of Air Medal’s for his harrowing, hazardous flight while trying to eject from his non-eject able coaster equipped swivel chair. Undoubtedly the poor man will also get the Purple Heart for that broken hip.

[Ex 9A Guy]

You think you have lived to be 80 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell.

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans. I flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.