Security Update....Eorope

[Kip Powick]

From: Today’s edition of The Blithering Street Journal – (BSJ)

EUROPEAN SECURITY LEVELS RAISED

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved'. Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert

level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and"Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has

increased the alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "elaborate military

posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change

sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress inuniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels: "invade a neighbour" and "lose".

[Guest rattler]

Kip: you have to stop this type of post. Next you will be posting objectional posts about the Irish and the Scots

[Check Pilot]

Not only that, now the Mexicans are getting into it too - at a very early age too.

It was the first day of school in America and a new student named Pedro

Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

"Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand

up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of

the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the

earth?"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!

Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about it's history than

you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the

Teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little sz*t. If

you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to

Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the

floor, someone said, "Oh SZ*T, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003"

[Mitch Cronin]

That's priceless!

[ccairspace]

That's priceless!

Both are hilarious. I wish I had one to add, but I'm such a politically correct old curmudgeon that my library is wont.