I'm banned ...........again (not fair)

[Kip Powick]

After I retired Scuba 02 insisted I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, I am like most men-- I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Scuba 02 is like most women--she loves to browse.

The other day Scuba 02 received the following letter from our local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Powick,

Over the past eight months, your husband has been causing quite a

commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may

be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against

Mr. Powick are listed below and are documented by our video

surveillance cameras.

1. June 03: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in

people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. June 12: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at

5-minute intervals.

3. October 02: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to

the women's restroom.

4. October 17: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official

voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away."

5. October 29: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of

M&M's on layaway.

6. November 09: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted

area.

7. November 21: Set up a tent in the camping department and told

other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and

blankets from the bedding department.

8. November 29: When a clerk asked if they could help him he

began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. December 04: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a

mirror while he picked his nose.

10. December 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he

asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 15: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly

humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 21: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna

look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 23: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed

through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 24: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,!

he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES

AGAIN!" And last, but not least,

15. January 04: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited

awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in

here!"

[handyman]

YOU KILL ME KIP!