Men are from Mars etc.

[Guest righthandman]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are

the rules from the male side. These are 'OUR' rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

-----------------------------------

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's

up,put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear

us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of

the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to

think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle

hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do

not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every

question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a

doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an

argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't

expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one

of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you

want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just

do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say

during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do

we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default

settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a

fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act

like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not

worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect

an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear

is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are

prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or

monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on

the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that,

it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an

education!!

[Guest Patrick Bergen]

think it, don't say it publicly. Enjoy the single life.......

[LongTimer V]

[Guest PilotsWife]

Actually it was a great laugh. Women don't need an education on this top, we got your number, it was too easy not to forget.

All in fun,

JP