Guest Whizbang Posted May 25, 2003 Share Posted May 25, 2003 The Lord came to Noah, in Canada, in the year 2003. Earth was wicked and over-populated. The Lord instructed Noah to build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans. "Here's the blue print." said the Lord. "Hurry - in six months I start the unending rain for 40 day and 40 nights." Six months later the rain started. The Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his flooded yard-and no Ark. "Noah", He roared," Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord,"begged Noah."Things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I have violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and the height limitation being exceeded. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then Transport Canada and the Department of Highways and Hydro wanted a bond posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go! I gathered the animals, but then, I got sued by an Animal Rights Group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined a space. Environment Canada decided that I could not build the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The trades union wants me to hire only Union trades-people with Ark building experience. To make matters worse, Canada Customs and Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally as well as with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years to finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder. "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" he asked. "No" sayeth the Lord. "Your Government beat me to it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ex-SkyGeek Posted May 26, 2003 Share Posted May 26, 2003 At first I looked at your post and thought, "nah, far too long to read." Next! But then for some reason I found myself reading the last paragraph... (I guess it has something to do with my being on a third vodka/fruit juice. I must have forgot I thought I was disinterested ... (just starting my 3 day "weekend" now *wink*). Thanks for the laugh! You might like "Conversations with God", a book written by Neale Donald Walsh - if, you enjoyed your post as much as I did. I think it's great when we can laugh at ourselves, which really, that post makes us do. Jason... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ex-SkyGeek Posted May 26, 2003 Share Posted May 26, 2003 Not sure what happened to the original post I replied to, but it was titled "Ain't it the Truth!". Somehow, my reply ended up becoming attached to "More bad AC press". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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