Chris Hadfield Ejected From Movie Theatre For Loudly Heckling Gravity

[conehead]

from www.thebeaverton.com

http://www.thebeaverton.com/chris-hadfield-ejected-from-movie-theatre-for-loudly-heckling-gravity.htm?fb_action_ids=10153443270730451&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map={%2210153443270730451%22:153718988172472}&action_type_map={%2210153443270730451%22:%22og.likes%22}&action_ref_map

WATERLOO, ON – Responding to numerous patron complaints, the staff of the Empire Theatres Waterloo reportedly removed famed Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield after he would not stop heckling a screening of Gravity, the space thriller that has recently dominated the domestic box office.

Eyewitnesses reported that during last night’s 9:15pm Real3D screening of Gravity, a lone man (later identified as retired ISS Commander Chris Hadfield) began muttering under his breath and chuckling to himself. By the 30-minute mark, Hadfield reportedly made numerous rude comments such as, “Nice Soyuz procedure, Hollywood!” and “Oh yeah, because that’s what hypoxia as caused by rapid cabin decompression looks like you idiots!.”

“It was the damndest thing,” recounted Isabelle Tremblay. “My boyfriend and I were like, ‘what a jerk’, and he went back to talk to him. But then he came back to our seats and he was like ‘I’m pretty sure that was that astronaut guy. You know, from the news.’ So we just let him go. I mean, what do you do? An astronaut probably gets George Clooney’s character struggles a little better than I do.”

Hadfield’s alleged berating of the film continued unabated. During one crucial and deathly silent scene involving Sandra Bullock’s character’s desperate attempt to reach her vessel and avoid dying in the void of space, the man who brought honour and fun to Canadian space exploration let out a long, piercing, and altogether perfect fart.

Eventually, theatre staff was notified, and the Canadian living legend was loudly removed from the cinema. Witnesses report that he did not go quietly. One patron recalled, “The last thing I heard him yelling was, ‘Have you been to space? Because I’ve been to space!’”

“But he’s still a hero, I suppose.”

At press time, Commander Hadfield’s family and friends were really hoping he never finds out about the 1996 horror classic: Leprechaun In Space.

Last modified on Tuesday, 29 October 2013 16:38

[Kip Powick]

Well.... I'll say it................. never did take to Hatfield..always thought he was "grandstanding" and that his goal was more along the lines of wanting to be a celebrity rather than have a serious space vocation....OK... OK.... I know he was on TV for the kids and probably imparted some gems to them but ...well......I was never impressed....shot fired....flame away.

[IFG]

Uh ... More from The Beaverton:

Economic Action Plan to build houses for senators where they claim to live

OTTAWA - In response to the recent Senate housing allowance scandal, the Harper government announced a new program that will construct residencies for senators pretending to live in the province they represent.

"The Government of Canada is enhancing accountability and infrastructure one senator at a time" Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced in front of the Senate Chamber. "Our government will invest $253 million into the Senator Housing Support Program to provide them with a residence in the province we have previously announced they always resided.”

Each residence will be approximately 3,000 square metres, with 5 bedrooms, 6 baths, a large rec room for entertaining oil executives, granite countertops, a “napping room” to make the Senators feel like they are at their seat in parliament, his and hers closets, and a cellar that locks from the outside.

Senators such as Mac Harb were excited to hear the news. "The money put into building these homes will really stimulate the local economy" the relieved Senator said. "Its nice to know I did my part in helping to create jobs in an area that I'm vaguely familiar with."

Mike Duffy, senator for Prince Edward Island, was equally enthused. “I think its a fine use of taxpayer dollars and I very much look forward to moving into my new home in... Nova Scotia? No wait, New Brunswick? **bleep**, what province do I represent again?”

“Someone check the sign outside my office,” he added.

At press time, the Conservative government had spent an additional $600 million on advertisements explaining what a success the just announced program already was.

http://www.thebeaverton.com/national/item/723-thebeavertoncom-eaptobuildhousesforsenatorswheretheyclaimtolive

- OR -

Spooky Harper government opens haunted House of Commons

OTTAWA - Lineups have already begun to form in front of the Parliament buildings after Prime Minister Harper's midnight announcement that the terrifying haunted House of Commons would be open to the public starting at 8pm.

"Do you laugh in the face of legislated terror? Can you ignore the PMs who go bump in the night? Have you stared deep into the void of the senate and not blinked when it stared back?" said Harper, sweeping his cape in front of his face. "Then come to Parliament for a night of mandated fright... if you dare."

Visitors can expect spooky surprises all over the creepified federal legislature building. Official press releases from the PC party warn incautious explorers of the horde of zombies that have been spotted in the backbenches and the horrible banshee rumoured to haunt the chair of the Foreign Affairs Minister.

"It's good to see the Economic Action Plan at work," said attendee Sean Paddock. "I came all the way from New Brunswick. Had to leave the kids at home, though. Figure I should start them with municipal or provincial scares or it'll just be another 'The Ring' fiasco."

The Conservatives aren't the only ones getting in on the fun. Sources say that opposition leader Thomas Mulcair spent over five minutes growing out his beard for a Gandalf costume, while Green Leader Elizabeth May spent $109.61 to dress as an oil drum and Justin Trudeau was spotted strutting around as “Slutty Justin Trudeau.”

"Boo!" said a ghost to surprised assembled reporters. "Ou vous souhaitez être effrayé en français: la Bou!"

At press time, everybody thought that Patrick Brazeau’s Chris Brown costume was in poor taste.

http://www.thebeaverton.com/national/item/994-spooky-harper-government-opens-haunted-house-of-commons

[Mr Sparkle]

Canada's version of The Onion. Nice.

TORONTO - Sources inside city hall have revealed that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford spent the entirety of Sunday night and early morning Monday meticulously planning his next highly anticipated public misstep.

[Maverick]

Well.... I'll say it................. never did take to Hatfield..always thought he was "grandstanding" and that his goal was more along the lines of wanting to be a celebrity rather than have a serious space vocation....OK... OK.... I know he was on TV for the kids and probably imparted some gems to them but ...well......I was never impressed....shot fired....flame away.

I think they gotcha Kip!!

[Seeker]

I'm embarrassed to say I fell for it.

[Kip Powick]

I think they gotcha Kip!!

Yes, they did but................my comments still stand..........no change in the way I see him.

[blues deville]

Please. It was hilarious.

And I think Hadfield's got more kids across this country motivated about our planet, science and space than any other Canadian. I wish I was going to be in one of his classes at U. Waterloo.

[DEFCON]

Was he intoxicated, his ego depressed, or possibly suffering from some sort of mental problem associated with long term space flight and the return to the world of gravity?

I guess I got taken too..

[blues deville]

Click on this link and regroup.

http://www.thebeaverton.com/disclaimer

[inchman]

Well.... I'll say it................. never did take to Hatfield..always thought he was "grandstanding" and that his goal was more along the lines of wanting to be a celebrity rather than have a serious space vocation....OK... OK.... I know he was on TV for the kids and probably imparted some gems to them but ...well......I was never impressed....shot fired....flame away.

Personally, I can't think of anyone who has committed more to his vocation or anyone who put in more backstage time waiting for his turn "in the limelight".

[ILB]

I think it takes a fairly serious effort to become the ISS commander. I really appreciate his (and significantly, his son's) efforts in bringing attention to the ISS. If "grandstanding" is what it takes, then I'll forgive him for it.

Watching his videos, and watching the ISS pass overhead many nights last winter is what inspired my daughter to go to school.

[Don Hudson]

Gee Kip, I'm not sure what there is to dislike about enthusiasm, (I wouldn't call it grandstanding -that's purely about ego. He's a terrific ambassador and while ego is needed, it's not about him. It ain't grandstanding when you've done what Chris Hadfield has done - For sure it ain't braggin' if you can (or did) do it. For most, he's a true Canadian hero and isn't afraid of enthusiasm where it counts, especially at a time when heros - men and women who have been to a special place and return to tell the story for those who only dream, are sorely needed and very badly absent from public life - in fact this week highlights how base, vacuous and disappointing public life has become, and in the midst of it, Hadfield shows that it can be different. To me, it's the "first-class" version of what you and I and most of our colleagues used to do before 9/11 - invite people, especially the kids, into the cockpit and tell them in our own way a bit about flying, the controls and "the dream" we all had as kids.

[Jaydee]

Well.... I'll say it................. never did take to Hatfield..always thought he was "grandstanding" and that his goal was more along the lines of wanting to be a celebrity rather than have a serious space vocation....OK... OK.... I know he was on TV for the kids and probably imparted some gems to them but ...well......I was never impressed....shot fired....flame away.

99.999999999 % of Canadians would probably be honored just to meet Captain Hadfield......a true Canadian Hero who has excelled at everything he has ever attempted.

http://www.asc-csa.gc.ca/eng/astronauts/biohadfield.asp

Education: Graduated as an Ontario Scholar from Milton District High School in 1977; Received a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering (with honours), Royal Military College, Kingston, Ontario, Canada, in 1982; Conducted post-graduate research at the University of Waterloo, Ontario in 1982; Received a Master of Science in aviation systems at the University of Tennessee in 1992.

Affiliations: Royal Military College Club; Society of Experimental Test Pilots; Canadian Aeronautics and Space Institute, Honourary Patron of Lambton College; Trustee of Lakefield College School; Board member of Vintage Wings of Canada, President of the Association of Space Explorers.

Special Honours: Recipient of the 1988 Liethen-Tittle Award (top pilot graduate of the USAF Test Pilot School). U.S. Navy Test Pilot of the Year (1991). Honorary Doctorate of Engineering from the Royal Military College (1996). Member of the Order of Ontario (1996). Honorary Doctorate of Laws from Trent University (1999). Vanier Award (2001). Meritorious Service Cross (2001). NASA Exceptional Service Medal (2002). Queen's Golden Jubilee Medal (2003). Inducted into Canada's Aviation Hall of Fame (2005). Commemorated on Royal Canadian Mint silver and gold coins for his spacewalk to install Canadarm2 on the International Space Station (2006).

Then of course there's always that one in a million....

[blues deville]

I recently read that prior to the five month ISS mission, Chris had spent nearly 20 years training for his previous 20 days in space. Now that is dedication.

[inchman]

Wow... if you look at the tweet feed about the Beaverton, that story is really getting legs. It's even tweeted in a number of different languages.

Too bad, really, as many people won't realize The Onion parallel (as we finally did here) and will develop a different opinion of Chris. It's one thing to pick on Rob Ford or Margaret Wente or Steven Harper. It's quite another to tarnish the reputation of a true hero.

I do read The Onion occasionally and enjoy the skewed humour in some of the stories. My difficulty with this is that there have been other, fairly respected, individuals who have fallen from grace with incidents of drunkenness, so it has that possibility of truth. For those of us who know of Chris' credentials and dedication, it should have become obvious a few paragraphs in, but the "article" didn't go far enough, IMO, to make the story truly ridiculous, especially from a less-than-well-known satire site. Almost everybody knows The Onion... the Beaverton... not so much.

You can be sure that some "respectable" news outlet will pick this up and reprint it without doing any further research.

[inchman]

Yes... it's all about promoting his new book, but it will make you smile..

[conehead]

I posted this because it's humerous, and it never occured to me that some people wouldn't realize that it wasn't real. C'mon people... Hadfield is a true Canadian Hero. Lord knows we need some....

I think Kip is just jealous...

[Kip Powick]

I posted this because it's humerous, and it never occured to me that some people wouldn't realize that it wasn't real. C'mon people... Hadfield is a true Canadian Hero. Lord knows we need some....

I think Kip is just jealous...

No, not jealous.....I wouldn't trade my life/career for anyones but I will admit that, as I age, there are days when I have a hard time trying to keep from falling into that "cranky-old-man" syndrome. some days are easier than others...yesrterday was not one of those days.

[boestar]

I clued in at the BIG FART line. Up to that point I didn't know what to think

[Don Hudson]

"There's magic in the web of it" - Othello, Shakespeare.

Kip, I think recognizing the ease with which one can 'revert' to "C.O.M." is what can keep one smiling or at least quietly 'mirthful'.

Finding one's laughing place at this stage of our very fortunate lives does take more work than it used to and yes, 'those days' do come, involuntarily, and go the same way.

Sometimes "curmudgeon" is simply saying what is really on our minds because, at this stage, we don't need to be polite or socially correct all the time because the wonderful thing about this stage is that there is nothing remaining that we need to prove to anyone because we can, without apology, tell them to take a hike without result and so what?!

It's the lovely part of life's yin-yang. That's "the web of it" from a guy who knew human nature!

I like the old-fashioned sense of "hero". It has been degraded today, and is more akin to the notion of, "celebrity", something quite shallow, just like most of social media is, than it is that some-thing that is way more than mere emotion, that comes up to our surface from deep within that recognizes "the extra-ordinary" within "the ordinary", all in the same person; - sometimes it is even ourselves and not someone else. "Hero" isn't a person, it is a place where someone, anyone, may spend time before returning to ordinary - even Hadfield I think.

Joseph Campbell said in, "The hero with a thousand faces", "A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man."

That notion is a far cry from our present vernacular, social-media'd world because we rob ourselves of the capacity to "see" heros, not because we focus on the warts but because we "level" experience into instrumental explanations and eliminate wonder. In fact, at our age we're not supposed to "wonder" anymore, having "achieved" a lifetime of achievement! So when a Hadfield (or a Christa MaCaullif...) comes along we don't know what to do with it, (but we knew what to do with Luke Skywalker when that film came out in the late '70's!)

Anyway, wandering in the woods and probably well O.T. by now!

[Kip Powick]

I like the old-fashioned sense of "hero". It has been degraded today, and is more akin to the notion of, "celebrity", something quite shallow, just like most of social media is,................

Don.....Exactly how I feel.......thank you......we won't go to the hiway of heros here either

[Guest]

Well I must admit that I had a 'personal' experience with Cdr. Hadfield many years ago. It was in the form of a letter sent to my employer. In it, he questioned my integrity and ability as a flight instructor, and the quality of the program after I had to cease flight training on a student (and a family friend of his). The student was removed from the program as a result of failing to meet the program requirements. Shortly after that, the letter arrived and I got hauled into the office to read it. Needless to say, I was a little surprised. Up until that time, I had an image of Chris Hadfeild standing at the briefing desk in a photograph in one of Larry Milberry's books- he was about to do a sortie in a CF18, and he became an icon of mine then... long before he ever went to space. All I wanted to do was fly Hornets in the CF. I wanted to be like Chris Hadfield.

Fast-forward many years, and who gets hired at my company as a first-officer but that same student I couldn't pass years ago. I'll let you guess as to whether or not he made it through into line-indoc (!).

Respect his accomplishments? Absolutely. How can I not?

But you will have to excuse me if I'm not one of his followers on Twitter.

[inchman]

Sounds like a reasonable position considering your personal experience, Conehead.

It also sounds like his "friend" put him into what I would consider to be an uncomfortable position.

[Mitch Cronin]

Inchman... 'scuse me... but... "Canoehead", "Conehead"... 2 different folks.

You knew that, right?

Pardon me... just thought I saw some potential confusion...