For Real (old) Pilots


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DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO FLEW BEHIND ROUND ENGINES

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We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining aviation and our hearing...

A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery. The air travels through it in a straight line and doesn't pick up any of the pungent fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat.

Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a switch from "OFF" to "START" and then remember to move it back to "ON" after a while. My PC is harder to start. Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. You have to seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny mistress.

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a lady-like poof and start whining a little louder. Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a GUY thing...

When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan: Useful, but, hardly exciting. When you have started his round engine successfully your crew chief looks up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl too!

Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, leading to aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention. A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow any minute. This helps concentrate the mind !

Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to keep a pilot's attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.

Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman Lamps.

Round engines smell like God intended machines to smell.

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Ahhh, the old suck, squeeze, bang and blow! cool.gif Some guy told me that at least with turbines I didn't have to fly the engines, only the airplane.

The problem with the old radials was that every engine had it's own personality; and you got to know them intimately.

They sure let you know immediately when they didn't like their treatment. wink.gif

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Real pilots fly round engines. cool26.gif

laugh.gif I don't think anybody flies round engines, do they?!

They can be held to an airframe for a while, but they spend their entire existence trying to fling themselves to bits! From the first few internal explosions that kick the sucker loose from the starter, through the next several hundred that belch buckets of fire and unburned oil smoke, ...right on up to full, bone rattling power, the whole mess is just a repeating process of several hunks of metal pieces trying to escape from their entrapment and being beaten back with more explosions to try again.

Flying is about airflow, so turbines make sense... Old radial's?... tongue.gif ...gotta love'em... They sound awesome! They're fantastic marvels of mechanical engineering... they're classic cases of man's ability to say "we can build a machine to do anything!" ... ....but airplanes today are so much better without 'em. wink.gif

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