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Everything posted by Airband

  1. Mea culpa.:$ Vegemite on everything for a week as penance.
  2. Mea culpa.:$ Vegamite on everything for a week as penance.
  3. Subject: FAQ's about Australia These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. 1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. 2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. 3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water... 4. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not.... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. 5. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. 6. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. 7. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. 8. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right? 9. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. 10. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. 11. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) A. Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
  4. ...and did you see the fellow that was so overcome with gratitude that he wrapped a big 'thank you' note around his waist and gave the checkpoint soldiers such an appreciative group hug?
  5. ...and did you see the fellow that was so overcome with gratitude that he wrapped a big 'thank you' note around his waist and gave the checkpoint soldiers an such appreciative group hug?
  6. Golly, we really do need that SARCASM symbol. Hawkeye - maybe, just maybe the whole purpose in posting the article was an attempt to light a candle rather than curse the darkness.
  7. Right. Suspect it won't be Sean Penn starring in 'Cool Hand Mohammed"
  8. Just another sleazy lawyer? http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/5552797.htmv
  9. At that point they will just 'make us an offer we can't refuse.' And we won't.
  10. uh, ok. Have amended accordingly. www.cnn.com/2003/TRAVEL/03/14/ticket.scam.reut/
  11. FBI says ELP workers cheated airline Daniel Borunda El Paso Times Some Southwest Airlines employees in El Paso allegedly defrauded the company out of $1.1 million in a seven-year ticket scam under investigation by the FBI. A minimum of eight employees, most of whom worked at the El Paso International Airport ticket counter, were allegedly involved in the fraud, the FBI said Tuesday. "They found a loophole to re-use prior ticket sales and keep the cash," said special agent Art Werge, an FBI spokesman. The alleged fraud was done through different methods, Werge said. In one method, a ticket counter worker would save an old ticket that should have been marked void or used, the FBI explained. The unmarked ticket would then be sold to a cash-paying customer. The employee would pocket the money, and the customer would use the ticket. "The customer was not victimized. Southwest Airlines is the victim here," Werge said. The FBI said it believes the alleged fraud began in 1996. Some of the employees were reportedly working in a ring while others were allegedly stealing individually. The FBI began an investigation a few months ago. The company is cooperating in the investigation. The employees have been fired and could face theft of interstate shipment and other federal charges. No arrests or indictments have been made yet, Werge said. Anyone with information on the case is asked to call the FBI at 832-5000. Daniel Borunda may be reached at dborunda@elpasotimes.com
  12. One fine day in Ireland, a fellow is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes." The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away. Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough fellow, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him ! unlimited money, a great golf game, and a fantastic sex life." Well, a year goes past and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing. The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how's your golf game?" The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time." "I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?" "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred pound note" he replied. The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how is your sex life?" Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week." Floored, the leprechaun stammers, "Once or twice a week?" The golfer looks at him sheepishly and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
  13. Circling in cloud, picking up ice.
  14. "When even the Canadians, normally drearily polite, get colorfully steamed at us, we know the rest of the world is apoplectic." http://www.nytimes.com/2003/03/07/opinion/07KRIS.html
  15. "When even the Canadians, normally drearily polite, get colorfully steamed at us, we know the rest of the world is apoplectic." http://www.nytimes.com/2003/03/07/opinion/07KRIS.html
  16. Clive will have a live 1hr interview on ROBTV tonight @ 1800E. Will be archived at the following site for subsequent replay: http://www.robtv.com/channels/hubs/pastprograms_highlights_thu.html
  17. http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1035778423648&call_page=TS_Ontario&call_pageid=968256289824&call_pagepath=News/Ontario
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